I found this...

UNEDITED.

I CANNOT WRITE TODAY.

DRY A BIT.

I FOUND THIS IN MY CELTX (screenwriting program storyboard section).

THIS IS HOW I USED TO THINK 2 YEARS AGO. WELL, NO ONE HAS TIME TO BE ANALYTICAL NOWADAYS. NO TIME. JUST DO. DONT THINK.
-OLD CLASSMATE- (2008)
you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it. this is from back to the future. doc brown says this in the first one, i think. i think that he is right. you can do it. you can read my thoughts right now. I am thinking exactly what I am typying. yes you can. no it did not. see how I am responding immediately to your words? no they dont. ;) my mind is being revealed right this very moment through the symbols. i never said entirety? i have to look at the keys when I type. i cant look at the screen and type at the same time. sadly no. well sometimes i can, but most of the time I cant. i am too lazy to learn correctly. that is sad that I cant type without looking at the screen. I am ashamed of myelf. i am a senior in college and I have to look at the keys. its kind of a mental handicap. yeah... thanks for being so understanding about it. you are the most understanding person i have ever met. . . . . . NOT. you see, you now have a piece of my mind on your computer. you can save it, and when I die, you will have evidence of my existence on your computer. you will never forget me becasue of this. i will live forever in the hearts of those who live on after my death. I dont think that it is selfish if it is for a good cause. for example: what about great men like gandhi and martin luther king????? so am I

is that not a great purpose? explain "subjective perpetuation" plaese. no, that is not what I want. This is just an excercise of the creative faculties of my mind. right now this is how I am reavling myself to you. I am not doing this so that I am "praised" (catherine oct 28, 2007). say again? perhaps I am starving for it? maybe it is necessary for my being? thats not true. I dont know what the hell i want. exactly, i am scared to know what i want. thats why we have to look to the words of the great emit brown "you can accomplish anything if you put your mind o it". fuck descartes. read berkely. which is?



-ME-
I dont like how you leave my task ambiguous....What should i write? I am rather fond of that black skull scarf hanging on the tent. its not. i remember wearing it when i drove to see a friend back home. my jeans were killing me and i was straving but that scarf will always be associated with that experience. yes. almost 1 year and 1month. i remember the way it was arranged when i hugged my friend. it served as an embellishment for my boring life. I often try to add things...constantly adding so that my existence will not be plain as it seems to be preordained to be...or maybe its a black canvas that i must paint over...i am not sure. no! i think not...just bc i enjoy narrating my life does not mean that i want people to read it and cherish it in their hearts. it must not be attributed to me- catherine...i dont care if i remain anonymous but that the idea penetrates and nothing else...that is an extention of myself and that is all i need..no praise...no notoriety...nothing...i am not sartre who refuses a fucking noble prize. I would love to get an academy award. i will admit this...i want to be concrete in film...the vision is MINE!!!! the medium of film is the vision...the picture in my mind...the streams of images...of course i must be selective..i see your reasoning . my pride will not admit to such a fault but i guess my transcedance does seek so affirmation with others. you just talk about it more. like a little kid telling me his hopes and dreams while wearing a cubs hat. how precious...jk. the more you mention remembering the more i want to punch you in the face for such blunt arrogance. you know i will punch you punk. i know you are right...you are too tall for that.otherwish you would get a pretty nice black eye. i wouldnt do such a thing...im just too nice.true. did you like the scone. i know...im thoughtful...- i did that on purpose. in this case i knew i had to throw it in. most people overlook things bc we are often in a daze...so we must remind them about things...you remind them about remembering and how we must attribute this concept to you...and catherine just reaffirms what others should think of catherine. :) pompous but that is me.i dont like u. you are mean to me. yes you are. where is my letter? sure. they always say that. fabulous. good job. ic. i understand. i have a friend (who is a cancer) she always has that problem. She writes me numerous letters but fails to send them to me. why is that? forget to stamp it and put it in the mail or in your case walk over and hand it to me? why are you all so hesistant? i dont understand. I am very eager to give my letters out to people. u can do it! why are you so scared of being vulnerable? everyone is scared of that...why do you think you are more prone to this fear? no one likes to be exposed. its just a letter...thoughts...feeelings...shelley wrote lovely letters to women. he was exposed..seen as a lovesick fool but he wrote..yes...he was -the best actually-other than byron. i wish i was a man so i could be more liberal about matters of the heart. I wish i had that freedom to be less stigmatized by my femininity. we are more predisposed to attachment and i wish to to unattached to many things. i like to keep moving. you guys have it better than us. how is is bullshit? well you are not a woman... maybe we perceive ourselves to be more weak than we really are...i guess so. not sure...havent tried it out yet. no. actually i tried it out and i failed. i dont feel like talking about it. it will remains stuck in my mind. i will for the ideal catherine to handle situations in a certain manner and i often fall short. i feel like its only me. i do and i cant help feel that i will never break out of it. i want to though... that is limited though...creativity -in terms of actualizing your existence. an individual wishes to build a boat and sail the sea. He builds this boat and it is set to sail for his first voyage but it tragically destroyed by a storm the previous night. this individual wills for his nautical adventure for his happiness but his creative endeavor...him typing our his story is suddenly changed by outside forces. just in that iso

THAT IS IT IN ITS ORIGINAL FORM

IGNORE ALL THE BANTER BACK AND FORTH. I WAS HAVING A "TYPED OUT CONVERSATION" - NO WORDS-ONLY TYPING ON A SINGLE LABTOP.

I still cannot believe I am stuck on that concept "actualizing my existence". What lame academic jibber jab....ARGGHHHH
PLEASE GOD- LET ME KNOW IF THIS INSISTENCE FOR CREATIVITY IS FUTILE!!!!

Sorry, if this isn't like most of my other writings.