The Customer Is Always Right

Lesson Today: The Customer is NOT ALWAYS RIGHT, but YOU CAN PRETEND THEY ARE :)



A principle of good business? Who knows? Sometimes, you have to pick your battles...

YAHOO REVIEW FOR HORIZON RIDGE PEDIATRICS (Mother's Clinic)

Advanced apology if this is too long... I write quite a bit, but this lady- wow, she takes the cake. Also, she was complaining, and we all know that emotions flow out like Niagra Falls.

POSTED BY ALIAS "CHANEL" (aka patient of my mother, Dr. F)
I am new mom with a son and met with Dr. Fernandez prior to giving birth and was comfortable in choosing her as my son pediatrician. I called when I got home from the hospital to ask the doctor a question about feedings, the receptionist was rude but I brushed it off as seeing maybe she was having a bad day. The doctor did call me later that evening. However on my second visit I was not impressed with office staff or the wait time. We waited almost 2 hours to be seen. At that time we scheduled a circumcision for the next week. I thought to myself maybe this is just a busy day. When I received a phone call from the receptionist to confirm my appointment I asked If my son would be seen right away or would there be another long wait. I was concerned about the wait due to the fact the doctor did not want him fed 30 minutes prior to the procedure. She replied that the doctor gets backed up due to walk-ins. I replied saying I did not know the doctor accepted walk-ins and my son would have to wait because of that. She said snidely that the doctor is not going to turn away sick children. I was completely taken aback because I certainly did not think doctor needed to refuse sick children. I was concerned about my son especially because he is a newborn and gets fussy if he is not fed. Not only that I was extremely nervous about the circumcision procedure. I felt that comment was offensive and argumentative. Then I receive a phone call from the office manager Rose, who was exactly the same way. I was under impression the matter was closed and did not need to go any further but I was wrong. The office manager was worse than receptionist, more argumentative and rude. I re-explained what happened and the longer the conversation went on the worse it got. I asked her what the other receptionist said she said she was told by Dr. Fernandez to call me back. At that point I made a decision I am not dealing with this miscommunication and unprofessionalism when it comes to my son. Finally I had to say to her this is not worth it because you are not understanding at all from a patient standpoint. She said your right and hung up abruptly. Basically I feel these are valid questions and concerns. If a front office staff cannot be courteous and customer service oriented then maybe they need reevaluate their staff. I liked the doctor but completely not comfortable with the front office staff. If it is true the office manager was told by the doctor to call me back, the doctor herself should have made the call instead of her rude office manager. I am not comfortable with the staff or the doctor. I certainly not going to take my son there especially when his health is involved.

MY RESPONSE: I guess I am a pseudo-ghostwriter for the clinic. I not a professional, but I must admit it is fun to respond to real people. :)

"At times, HRP gets so busy- that we do not stop to objectively evaluate how we are doing. There are no excuses for how we serviced you, but I hope you know that we are sincerely sorry. First off, HRP and staff will work on long wait time. Please remember, we only have one doctor at our office. Our office appointment policy honors ALL types of appointments, but often puts emergency "sick visits", or "walk-ins", ahead of "well visits" and standard circumcisions. We are confused why parents are not understanding of why sick children should not be seen first, rather than "well checks". However, we will take this input into consideration. We will attempt to adjust this policy, but in all due respect, our moral oath will be still come first- before pleasing every patient. Lastly, our staff has been repeatedly alerted of their lack of people skills. Thanks to your situation, amongst others, we see how customer service is very important to our patients. We will work on this weakness, thanks to your input."


I tried to avoid defensive remarks, but a few slipped in.

I guess in life, our feelings take precedence over the reality of the situation. As as business, we want money from the patient, and in return we feel obligated to please them in any shape or form. I guess that is the sacrifice one makes for "wanting" something from "the other". Yet, the act is never easy. I guess at the end of the day, it DOES matter who is right. You just have to keep it to yourself :)

Fencing

Modern Fencing and 18th Century Fencing

For some reason, I have neglected sports for 23 years. It was not till a year ago that I started fencing. My french coach continues to offer me a great deal of challenges upon every practice. Every week I better understand his instructions, but I still keep putting too much weight on one leg. Physical balance is a struggle for me. I guess I should strive to be more nimble and even amidst the multitude of things on my mind as I fence. My love for strategy is what drew me to this sport at so late in the game (pun intended). I didn't become a doctor so this sport must be my manifestation of my unconscious desire to wear white as a doctor. Oh the unfulfilled dreams of our childhood and parental longing! How they plague us... I must confess that the uniform is more tedious than it seems. The sport itself has tested my dexterity when zipping up layers of protection with one glove. Wiring, clips, and hooks are involved in the whole suiting up process. I'm still puzzled why I cannot make my white socks as white as my jumper. Bleach does not suffice in this circumstance.

Too many French at fencing club. Maybe I should devote myself to learning French? Not practical right now, but maybe a cold mixed with phlegm and some occasional french phrases will help me bond with my coach.

As in life, always remember to "riposte".

Missed this.

I often found it selfish to do this. The act itself of writing on a blog unconsciously harnessing the energy of audience attention . Redundant right? "Audience attention" is a complex phrase for me, mostly due to the fact that I care to criticize what I find to be obscene in the world based on my unconscious demons. Why? I like privacy. I love keeping myself to myself. But I write... Why should I rant about me, when there are other "ME's".

I believe everyone is burdened with their own lives, comprising of tedious responsibilities to soulful desires for ultimate happiness. Of course, to add to that list, we struggle to complete all of it before our time is up. I don't think anyone has time for anyone else, if they hardly have time fore themselves. See, privacy is sacred to me, mainly due to the fact that I am used to it. I am used to being alone as one says. As I said before, I am an only child with a singular lifestyle. Many times before, I had to clear this seemingly cry for help. However, if you know me, you know my declaration is not a woeful status, but a matter of fact statement of a contented singular being. I am solid. I have always been. In Sylvia Plath's movie, titled (hard to tell huh?) "Sylvia", Gywneth Palthrow playing Sylvia says, "I don't feel solid." It made me sad. She continued by saying "I have never felt whole". Because the subject matter of this post is on "writing", I cannot help but bring up a writer, or more accurately, a poet. To my dismay, she suffered the pervasive symptoms of most writers- feelings of abject depression and frequent thoughts of suicide at her lowest moments.

I'll tell you something that has always been with me since I was very young. In contrast to Ms. Plath, I have always felt entirely whole AND solid. I struggle like everyone else with releasing the pressure of a full tank through self-expression, but I always feel like ME. No matter the alien environment. No matter the expectation to be something or someone else. I always feel solid as a rock. Of course everyone has anxieties and sometimes the inner equilibrium of the self feels shifted back and forth, depending on hormonal fluctuations (biological origins) and the demanding interactions with other people; however, I like to think I have never truly felt the hopelessness of Ms. Plath.

Tying into privacy and writing, writers seem to have no qualms about bearing their souls in words. One would be niave to think that communicative expressions in writing, painting and etc. are simply creative endeavors for the sake of productivity with little insight into the human being who looks like nothing but a bag of flesh. Strange how complex we are on the inside. Strange how the invisible and intangible is more of our reality than what is before our eyes. People seem to need to write. For others it does not seem as selfish as I think it is. Maybe I am more old fashioned? I prefer the diary style of writing. There are different types of writing: writing for others, writing for ourselves, and etc. Am I wrong to think that nowadays that writing is for the masses in our tech fueled society? It is ok to share, but the narcissistic intent (not everyone, but a majority of people seem to do this) of others is disconcerting. I can be narcissistic at times. I am probably one now, but I am surprised others seem unaware of this human vice. Don't say too much. Listen... Believe me, I struggle with this everyday.

So, the message is here is "write" or "type" (whatever), but do please do it with temperance, in regard to the well being aka the sanity of others and yourself. Mainly, this idea stems from my preoccupation with preserving the person we already give to the world. I believe in the integrity of privacy but the inherent need to share what matters. Also, I know from numerous psychological sources and from my own observations that we only care about ourselves. People will take offense to that statement so I will rephrase. We care more about ourselves than others (more polite way to say it). Again, nothing wrong with an attention to the self. However, we would be fibbing if we did not acknowledge this. Stop pretending. I acknowledge it right now. I love writing and reading about what happens to ME, because I am preoccupied with me. I am hardwired for that. Evolutionary psychology can offer a plethora of answers to strike your academic citation obsession, but I will not get into that.

I receive immense pleasure for writing, not because of competency; but, because like you, I enjoy and require the release. Whether I repeatedly talked about a dog who crossed the street with a four word sentence, which would be of no substance to you than me, I would still write. However, the main point lies in me feeling regret in telling the whole world, even if it was a handful of people how I was feeling. Even if you cared, you shouldn't. Maybe I think no one will care. Problem is too many people think the audience cares when in fact it is the opposite. Never expect someone to care. Sometimes you do not have control over the type of audience you receive. You have to accept not everyone is as into you as you are with yourself.

Just because you have an audience, doesn't mean they are paying attention. But, we all want both right?

Here is to being noticed...

My new website will be called "FameForward". It is a site for new talent to get noticed, all in an effort to answer that profound nagging question, "Does someone care?"

Let's hope I get the audience's attention. The words seem one in the same, but are not...

Novel realization? Not really. No purpose to this post... I just wanted to release. LOL

Virtue and Value

The path to happiness, a life of profound immersion and intuitive cohesion with the outer world, is based on the this admonition - uphold virtue. Upon knowing your soul's affinity for a particular virtue ie. beauty, truth, and etc, affix this intangible admiration to your present life - this is the form of an ultimate value. It will be, and must be the ultimate end to all means in this daily disintegration of our superficial knowledge of happiness.

Virtue is divine, and magnanimous, but beyond it's out of reach nature, we are strangely familiar with its presence and will expend our mortality for even a glimpse of it. Perfection is never known or entirely experience in our present existence, yet the notion itself can be personified, and can be better understood as a beloved crush whisking in and out of a coffee shop or store, only to catch a glimpse of the side of a face, or the curve of a fleshy palm resting on table. Naturally, as in the nature of the absolute perfection, we never experience the real thing, nor do we see the whole face, yet the anticipation and fervent determination of the eyes suffice. The search quells the hunger enough, but we look not in vain, but simply live for the potential reward. Actuality is wanted, yet few or almost none attain such a gift. As we acknowledge with virtue, it can be exercised to some degree in our attempt to match the whole, or even contribute to the sublime divinity of the whole. We will never have him sit right across from us, and we will never speak, for the virtue exists for us and only us. Moreover, it evolves into a value, or a focus that keeps us coming back to the coffee shop or store, solely to get a glimpse of the cheek, or an extended arm. It is objectified, yet it must be, for it to be a solid consistent ideal. If made into a subject, or a thinking being such as you, or myself, it would be the "he" in my analogy, a person possessing a consciousness: able to move to another state, become sick, or worst of all- die in a car accident. Thus, virtue is an object of all our obsessive affections, for he cannot die. His presence is needed. And, those steps we take to get to the coffee shop and/ or the store all for the gratification of supreme elation and reprieve from mundane ritual, I call them progression.

In simple terms, we gravitate towards the "special", something rare in quantity, but on the absolute threshold of quality and satisfaction. Chaste ecstasy is the only way to describe it, though calling it a feeling would do no justice to the even the most elemental parts of it. Again, it is the end, and nothing is better than that... Sometimes, it is comforting to reach the end, to know my satisfaction is complete, and that I am complete by finding such virtue. Virtue is good and universal, and one's neurotic paranoia, whether an innate drive for petty selfishness or a selfless goal, is calmed by that objective fact that this is "what everyone needs and should need". When there are so many distractions as to what we want, or VALUE, how do we know what works for us is something worth fighting for, yet will outlast our lifespan, and be good for all? This is not assurance of a personal legacy or will for immortality, but an attempt to preserve the continuation of our thoughts and actions beyond corporal limitations- a merging of the absolute forms and the internal transmissions from the depths of PURE THOUGHT. I cannot assure you every idea in your head is worthy of lasting transference, but if it seems to hinge on absolute virtue, you are on the right track. Important questions: How do you want your soul to be understood after you die? How do you want to be appreciated with utmost integrity and respect when evolutionary animal instincts underlie our motives at every turn? ( We deny it, but it is our foundation of biological behavior as flesh and blood beings.) There must be something other than the pure material... There must be...

Not the only answer, but one of the best ways of salvaging the "divine" in every person and life is this: Find your (good) virtue, and try every day to see it in that coffee shop or wherever it lurks. He, or it, will always be waiting for you. It will never disappoint, or fade into nothingness, your admiration will never dissipate, but will grow fonder over time, and as the meetings grow shorter, and failed attempts to catch a glimpse tempt a deviation, your want will remain constant. As expected, your path to the his regular hotspot will be plagued with obstacles, and sometimes you will not see him for stretches of months, or even decades. He may reoccur in various places and take many forms, but his essential essence remains the same. This is the constancy and elusion of virtue, paradoxical, for its profundity and unquestionable beauty will continue beyond human existence, as not only aesthetic perfection, or its ultimate self-sufficiency as the end of all ends, but on the premise of an internal stirring- it conjures up an indescribably satisfying FEELING in our souls. Sensory experience is the medium in which it reaches the recesses of our beings, yet it coalesces into something entirely separate from the sum of all the sensory parts. What comes is the acknowledgment that this is right for ME (singularity, the self)- VALUE, and comfort in taking part in a communal goal (others)- a ubiquitous dream for all - a VIRTUE.

Virtue and value are a balance of personal desire and societal- even existential responsibility- to those that share this life with you. One leads to the other and vice versa; however, both are integral to getting what we deserve, which is a little bit of what we are not- perfection through feeling- brought upon as a pervasive sentiment through action, not form, and sometimes, that is enough. It exhausts all our needs and wants, in a fatal encompassing swoop of intense elation, lasting only seconds, but satiates beyond comprehension, and or want of anything else, besides that moment.

Cheers to Virtue and Value.

Live for nothing else, because these are your hearts desires, for virtue and value together, can never be tangential to the universal harmony and the callings of an observant individual. These are the terms of human experience, never insistent, but deeply felt for those who understand that tried base gratification, never hold a candle to the realization or meeting of the flawed being and virtue. If one makes it his value, he and virtue will meet. Maybe for a second, and maybe it appears over a span of lifetime, successive, till senescence (for a lucky few), but it is there to be discovered for all. Euphoria is not merely a feeling, but a oneness, the feat in itself of a inch closer to merging with what we want, yet what know we will never have. It is the "holiest of affections", because it simply FEELS that way.

Something to ponder over in the month of February. V is for Valentine, Virtue, and Value.

Update for the Three.

I've neglected this blog, because I felt it served no purpose. However now, I realize that it connects me to about most three people. Meager numbers? No. Not to me. My self-induced isolation does not come without its paradoxes. Often, I hide for the privacy sake, yet when I hit the degree of a hermit, I explode with irrelevant and garrulous chatter.

This will be one of them:

Recently (these past few months), I have come to accept my slow trajectory in achieving my goals. I am pissed, often pissed that any day I could cease to exist when all my plans and sequential strategized action considers the potential. Foolish it seems. Well, this is the new me. Slow and steady Catherine. I kinda hate it. Every second that goes by I become anxious.

They say plan for the the next day, plan for your retirement, but still live for the moment as if it was your last. Remedy for this quandary? Easy they say. Strike a balance and you will find peace knowing their is an unknown, yet utilizing what is known. Abstract terms for the quarter life crisis of a 23 year old. Lately, I have been trying to retain a sense of my frivolity, not the immature aspect, but more or less a sense of childish purity and creativity while keeping in line with adult responsibilities. I can honestly say that the latter is taking more precedence, due to its sheer quantity, hindering the time allowed for a little diversion. Maybe I am afraid of evolving away from the person I know and love today. Will she become bitter and cold? Will she forget how to trust others after solely putting that trust in herself at the exclusion of everyone else? I beginning to sense a early adult theme here. Hopefully it is only a phase as opposed to a perpetual soul vs. external world conflict. Maybe my fears stem from insecurity and mistrust with myself and others? It is silly how a string of bad experiences create some sort of permanent psyche trauma. I am learning from my mistakes to the best of my knowledge, however; my former gung ho self has produced another person with severe risk aversion. I've taken many risks in the past and have failed at 90 percent of them. I'm serious. I'm beginning to think that my "fight or flight" system is not properly working. Sometimes, I question whether this is something I should change or keep? Again, it is relative, depending on the circumstance, but from the personal statistic, it seems that I take risks during the wrong circumstances.

Concrete examples: I switch from Philosophy to Biology in my Junior year. I pick the bad boy over the nice boy. I get on a plane and visit friends during breaks, when their obviously a terror alert. There are others, but I don't want to recount how stupid I have been.

You can say I can be impulsive. I hate saying the word, because it implies I never think before I act. However, I'd like to think that I over think before I act. Now...now I took the opposite extreme. I hate risk now, because it often ends in more trouble.

Can strike a balance between this persona duality of Crazy Catherine vs. Dutiful Catherine. I like both side equally. Nevertheless, my dilemma lies in knowing when is appropriate. I guess only time will provide me more practice.

I do not wish for perfection or absolute happiness. I just want things to be feel right with people and life in general. I want to be around like minded people, not because I am narrow-minded, but because I've estranged myself from a sense of community. I guess I am ready to let people and situations betray and hurt me again. I think it will be less painful, but it is nothing new to me. Who am I to think I am invincible ? Nothing goes as planned, but in the past, I have become the collateral damage of other people's stupidity. My ignoramus actions are my full responsibility, but other's lax approach make me very hesitant to take the risk- the risk of letting others into my life.

I just want maximum effectiveness with what I have. In other words... How I am I my best self without hiding what is already on the table? Second, how do I let in the right people. Here is an analogy: How does one have a stupendous and rip roarin party with handful of people as opposed to a full house? I suppose it could be a matter of situation- my present life aka time and circumstance situation. If you cannot push the shape into the hole, try another hole. Will I just have to wait?

Hoping to find my niche- a place where I am free to be the REAL Catherine AGAIN, especially without assholes who hang on for the ride. Lastly, I will try to be more evolved from my foolish mistakes, but still foolish enough to try to have fun while contributing to society. There is a balance I can try to achieve for the rest of my life, even if I die tomorow... It is not that mundane and practical that I feel that I haven't done anything of vivacity, and not that zealous that I die penniless at retirement age. I guess the see saw is a perpetual symbol of our struggles with the ideal existence. I think mine needs some oil.

Verdict: Everything is unresolved, but that is the point, that is work, and that is the filler of all our own timeline.

I found this...

UNEDITED.

I CANNOT WRITE TODAY.

DRY A BIT.

I FOUND THIS IN MY CELTX (screenwriting program storyboard section).

THIS IS HOW I USED TO THINK 2 YEARS AGO. WELL, NO ONE HAS TIME TO BE ANALYTICAL NOWADAYS. NO TIME. JUST DO. DONT THINK.
-OLD CLASSMATE- (2008)
you can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it. this is from back to the future. doc brown says this in the first one, i think. i think that he is right. you can do it. you can read my thoughts right now. I am thinking exactly what I am typying. yes you can. no it did not. see how I am responding immediately to your words? no they dont. ;) my mind is being revealed right this very moment through the symbols. i never said entirety? i have to look at the keys when I type. i cant look at the screen and type at the same time. sadly no. well sometimes i can, but most of the time I cant. i am too lazy to learn correctly. that is sad that I cant type without looking at the screen. I am ashamed of myelf. i am a senior in college and I have to look at the keys. its kind of a mental handicap. yeah... thanks for being so understanding about it. you are the most understanding person i have ever met. . . . . . NOT. you see, you now have a piece of my mind on your computer. you can save it, and when I die, you will have evidence of my existence on your computer. you will never forget me becasue of this. i will live forever in the hearts of those who live on after my death. I dont think that it is selfish if it is for a good cause. for example: what about great men like gandhi and martin luther king????? so am I

is that not a great purpose? explain "subjective perpetuation" plaese. no, that is not what I want. This is just an excercise of the creative faculties of my mind. right now this is how I am reavling myself to you. I am not doing this so that I am "praised" (catherine oct 28, 2007). say again? perhaps I am starving for it? maybe it is necessary for my being? thats not true. I dont know what the hell i want. exactly, i am scared to know what i want. thats why we have to look to the words of the great emit brown "you can accomplish anything if you put your mind o it". fuck descartes. read berkely. which is?



-ME-
I dont like how you leave my task ambiguous....What should i write? I am rather fond of that black skull scarf hanging on the tent. its not. i remember wearing it when i drove to see a friend back home. my jeans were killing me and i was straving but that scarf will always be associated with that experience. yes. almost 1 year and 1month. i remember the way it was arranged when i hugged my friend. it served as an embellishment for my boring life. I often try to add things...constantly adding so that my existence will not be plain as it seems to be preordained to be...or maybe its a black canvas that i must paint over...i am not sure. no! i think not...just bc i enjoy narrating my life does not mean that i want people to read it and cherish it in their hearts. it must not be attributed to me- catherine...i dont care if i remain anonymous but that the idea penetrates and nothing else...that is an extention of myself and that is all i need..no praise...no notoriety...nothing...i am not sartre who refuses a fucking noble prize. I would love to get an academy award. i will admit this...i want to be concrete in film...the vision is MINE!!!! the medium of film is the vision...the picture in my mind...the streams of images...of course i must be selective..i see your reasoning . my pride will not admit to such a fault but i guess my transcedance does seek so affirmation with others. you just talk about it more. like a little kid telling me his hopes and dreams while wearing a cubs hat. how precious...jk. the more you mention remembering the more i want to punch you in the face for such blunt arrogance. you know i will punch you punk. i know you are right...you are too tall for that.otherwish you would get a pretty nice black eye. i wouldnt do such a thing...im just too nice.true. did you like the scone. i know...im thoughtful...- i did that on purpose. in this case i knew i had to throw it in. most people overlook things bc we are often in a daze...so we must remind them about things...you remind them about remembering and how we must attribute this concept to you...and catherine just reaffirms what others should think of catherine. :) pompous but that is me.i dont like u. you are mean to me. yes you are. where is my letter? sure. they always say that. fabulous. good job. ic. i understand. i have a friend (who is a cancer) she always has that problem. She writes me numerous letters but fails to send them to me. why is that? forget to stamp it and put it in the mail or in your case walk over and hand it to me? why are you all so hesistant? i dont understand. I am very eager to give my letters out to people. u can do it! why are you so scared of being vulnerable? everyone is scared of that...why do you think you are more prone to this fear? no one likes to be exposed. its just a letter...thoughts...feeelings...shelley wrote lovely letters to women. he was exposed..seen as a lovesick fool but he wrote..yes...he was -the best actually-other than byron. i wish i was a man so i could be more liberal about matters of the heart. I wish i had that freedom to be less stigmatized by my femininity. we are more predisposed to attachment and i wish to to unattached to many things. i like to keep moving. you guys have it better than us. how is is bullshit? well you are not a woman... maybe we perceive ourselves to be more weak than we really are...i guess so. not sure...havent tried it out yet. no. actually i tried it out and i failed. i dont feel like talking about it. it will remains stuck in my mind. i will for the ideal catherine to handle situations in a certain manner and i often fall short. i feel like its only me. i do and i cant help feel that i will never break out of it. i want to though... that is limited though...creativity -in terms of actualizing your existence. an individual wishes to build a boat and sail the sea. He builds this boat and it is set to sail for his first voyage but it tragically destroyed by a storm the previous night. this individual wills for his nautical adventure for his happiness but his creative endeavor...him typing our his story is suddenly changed by outside forces. just in that iso

THAT IS IT IN ITS ORIGINAL FORM

IGNORE ALL THE BANTER BACK AND FORTH. I WAS HAVING A "TYPED OUT CONVERSATION" - NO WORDS-ONLY TYPING ON A SINGLE LABTOP.

I still cannot believe I am stuck on that concept "actualizing my existence". What lame academic jibber jab....ARGGHHHH
PLEASE GOD- LET ME KNOW IF THIS INSISTENCE FOR CREATIVITY IS FUTILE!!!!

Sorry, if this isn't like most of my other writings.

Just for the sake of WRITING

I very much miss writing. However, lately, I have been keeping my inner thoughts withdrawn due to my awareness of narcissism in today's society. That statement in no way aims to offend anyone who writes in blogs. I am simply more hesitant to write, because I am afraid my ramblings are testaments to my sick self-involvement. I don't seem to be interested in anything else, other than my inner conflicts. I don't seem to notice anyone else, or care to divulge information about the people I am around (not very provocative people, but good people- my parents) nor do I voice out any concern for any humanitarian cause. I have never been much attracted to those topics. I believe I am flawed in that way. Unable to step out of my subjective casings and into a more whole perspective of humanity, versus the desires and everyday predicaments of my own existence. Again, guilt sets in...Why I cannot be a universal beacon of hope such as a Mother Theresa figure? I cannot understand my purpose when it is incongruent with what we see fit as a contribution to all. Will I grow out of it? Will age change these stubborn views?

Either I will be damned for not trying, or damned for being worthless in a plan of universal peace and love.

I really do not know where to start with either of them.

Oh well.