Favorite Holiday Music

As you can see, I have not been keeping up with my declared "holiday thanksgiving posts". I didn't think anyone would be bothered by it. Thankfully, only about 5 people read this. I really hope it's no more than 5, including myself.

Aha. I love A Charlie Brown Christmas. Indeed, I am very thankful for Charles Schwartz creating one of the most iconic, yet understated associations with Christmas. I cannot leave out Vince Guaraldi in my gratitude rant. I simply cannot. Listening to jazzy Christmas music can only be stated as such: leaves me feeling as warm as a cashmere blanket nested under a puppy and leaves me with the sensation that I am home- content to stay, content to be.

I must admit, back at college I used to play this Charlie Brown soundtrack even in the spring time. Mind you, it's only appropriate as study or sleep music when you are alone with your string lights. It's not college party music. However, you know that already. :) Bottom line, this music makes me feel nestled, safe, and I dare say it- quirky. Yes, I said quirky. Is it because I associate "Christmas Time Is Here (Instrumental Version)" with "The Royal Tenenbaums"? Maybe so. I like it whether Wes Anderson told his Music Editor to put it in the movie.

Christmas Time Is Here

For my benefit- not yours, everyday, I will try to post something that I am thankful for this Christmas season. Maybe some memories and humor will be thrown in? We'll see.

First Entry:

I am thankful I didn't fall off the ladder. Very thankful...

I live another day with no brain damage and working intact appendages.

More elaborative entries to come.

Early

Buy Family Christmas Presents? (including dog) --- DONE!

Wrap X-Mas Presents? --- DONE!

Saved Money On Thoughtful Presents Rather Than Average Expensive-Out-Of-Time Filler- Gifts? --- DONE!

Decorated X-Mas Tree (Just enough that mother can finish it up with the breakable)? --- DONE!

Added Festive Holiday Decor Throughout The House? --- DONE!

Send Out Christmas Cards? --- To Be Done (TBD)

I really like the holidays. I know. I know. Thanksgiving has not passed. I have to admit I hate procrastinating on things I enjoy. Who doesn't?

A satire writing on christmas to come...

The Customer Is Always Right

Lesson Today: The Customer is NOT ALWAYS RIGHT, but YOU CAN PRETEND THEY ARE :)



A principle of good business? Who knows? Sometimes, you have to pick your battles...

YAHOO REVIEW FOR HORIZON RIDGE PEDIATRICS (Mother's Clinic)

Advanced apology if this is too long... I write quite a bit, but this lady- wow, she takes the cake. Also, she was complaining, and we all know that emotions flow out like Niagra Falls.

POSTED BY ALIAS "CHANEL" (aka patient of my mother, Dr. F)
I am new mom with a son and met with Dr. Fernandez prior to giving birth and was comfortable in choosing her as my son pediatrician. I called when I got home from the hospital to ask the doctor a question about feedings, the receptionist was rude but I brushed it off as seeing maybe she was having a bad day. The doctor did call me later that evening. However on my second visit I was not impressed with office staff or the wait time. We waited almost 2 hours to be seen. At that time we scheduled a circumcision for the next week. I thought to myself maybe this is just a busy day. When I received a phone call from the receptionist to confirm my appointment I asked If my son would be seen right away or would there be another long wait. I was concerned about the wait due to the fact the doctor did not want him fed 30 minutes prior to the procedure. She replied that the doctor gets backed up due to walk-ins. I replied saying I did not know the doctor accepted walk-ins and my son would have to wait because of that. She said snidely that the doctor is not going to turn away sick children. I was completely taken aback because I certainly did not think doctor needed to refuse sick children. I was concerned about my son especially because he is a newborn and gets fussy if he is not fed. Not only that I was extremely nervous about the circumcision procedure. I felt that comment was offensive and argumentative. Then I receive a phone call from the office manager Rose, who was exactly the same way. I was under impression the matter was closed and did not need to go any further but I was wrong. The office manager was worse than receptionist, more argumentative and rude. I re-explained what happened and the longer the conversation went on the worse it got. I asked her what the other receptionist said she said she was told by Dr. Fernandez to call me back. At that point I made a decision I am not dealing with this miscommunication and unprofessionalism when it comes to my son. Finally I had to say to her this is not worth it because you are not understanding at all from a patient standpoint. She said your right and hung up abruptly. Basically I feel these are valid questions and concerns. If a front office staff cannot be courteous and customer service oriented then maybe they need reevaluate their staff. I liked the doctor but completely not comfortable with the front office staff. If it is true the office manager was told by the doctor to call me back, the doctor herself should have made the call instead of her rude office manager. I am not comfortable with the staff or the doctor. I certainly not going to take my son there especially when his health is involved.

MY RESPONSE: I guess I am a pseudo-ghostwriter for the clinic. I not a professional, but I must admit it is fun to respond to real people. :)

"At times, HRP gets so busy- that we do not stop to objectively evaluate how we are doing. There are no excuses for how we serviced you, but I hope you know that we are sincerely sorry. First off, HRP and staff will work on long wait time. Please remember, we only have one doctor at our office. Our office appointment policy honors ALL types of appointments, but often puts emergency "sick visits", or "walk-ins", ahead of "well visits" and standard circumcisions. We are confused why parents are not understanding of why sick children should not be seen first, rather than "well checks". However, we will take this input into consideration. We will attempt to adjust this policy, but in all due respect, our moral oath will be still come first- before pleasing every patient. Lastly, our staff has been repeatedly alerted of their lack of people skills. Thanks to your situation, amongst others, we see how customer service is very important to our patients. We will work on this weakness, thanks to your input."


I tried to avoid defensive remarks, but a few slipped in.

I guess in life, our feelings take precedence over the reality of the situation. As as business, we want money from the patient, and in return we feel obligated to please them in any shape or form. I guess that is the sacrifice one makes for "wanting" something from "the other". Yet, the act is never easy. I guess at the end of the day, it DOES matter who is right. You just have to keep it to yourself :)

Fencing

Modern Fencing and 18th Century Fencing

For some reason, I have neglected sports for 23 years. It was not till a year ago that I started fencing. My french coach continues to offer me a great deal of challenges upon every practice. Every week I better understand his instructions, but I still keep putting too much weight on one leg. Physical balance is a struggle for me. I guess I should strive to be more nimble and even amidst the multitude of things on my mind as I fence. My love for strategy is what drew me to this sport at so late in the game (pun intended). I didn't become a doctor so this sport must be my manifestation of my unconscious desire to wear white as a doctor. Oh the unfulfilled dreams of our childhood and parental longing! How they plague us... I must confess that the uniform is more tedious than it seems. The sport itself has tested my dexterity when zipping up layers of protection with one glove. Wiring, clips, and hooks are involved in the whole suiting up process. I'm still puzzled why I cannot make my white socks as white as my jumper. Bleach does not suffice in this circumstance.

Too many French at fencing club. Maybe I should devote myself to learning French? Not practical right now, but maybe a cold mixed with phlegm and some occasional french phrases will help me bond with my coach.

As in life, always remember to "riposte".

Missed this.

I often found it selfish to do this. The act itself of writing on a blog unconsciously harnessing the energy of audience attention . Redundant right? "Audience attention" is a complex phrase for me, mostly due to the fact that I care to criticize what I find to be obscene in the world based on my unconscious demons. Why? I like privacy. I love keeping myself to myself. But I write... Why should I rant about me, when there are other "ME's".

I believe everyone is burdened with their own lives, comprising of tedious responsibilities to soulful desires for ultimate happiness. Of course, to add to that list, we struggle to complete all of it before our time is up. I don't think anyone has time for anyone else, if they hardly have time fore themselves. See, privacy is sacred to me, mainly due to the fact that I am used to it. I am used to being alone as one says. As I said before, I am an only child with a singular lifestyle. Many times before, I had to clear this seemingly cry for help. However, if you know me, you know my declaration is not a woeful status, but a matter of fact statement of a contented singular being. I am solid. I have always been. In Sylvia Plath's movie, titled (hard to tell huh?) "Sylvia", Gywneth Palthrow playing Sylvia says, "I don't feel solid." It made me sad. She continued by saying "I have never felt whole". Because the subject matter of this post is on "writing", I cannot help but bring up a writer, or more accurately, a poet. To my dismay, she suffered the pervasive symptoms of most writers- feelings of abject depression and frequent thoughts of suicide at her lowest moments.

I'll tell you something that has always been with me since I was very young. In contrast to Ms. Plath, I have always felt entirely whole AND solid. I struggle like everyone else with releasing the pressure of a full tank through self-expression, but I always feel like ME. No matter the alien environment. No matter the expectation to be something or someone else. I always feel solid as a rock. Of course everyone has anxieties and sometimes the inner equilibrium of the self feels shifted back and forth, depending on hormonal fluctuations (biological origins) and the demanding interactions with other people; however, I like to think I have never truly felt the hopelessness of Ms. Plath.

Tying into privacy and writing, writers seem to have no qualms about bearing their souls in words. One would be niave to think that communicative expressions in writing, painting and etc. are simply creative endeavors for the sake of productivity with little insight into the human being who looks like nothing but a bag of flesh. Strange how complex we are on the inside. Strange how the invisible and intangible is more of our reality than what is before our eyes. People seem to need to write. For others it does not seem as selfish as I think it is. Maybe I am more old fashioned? I prefer the diary style of writing. There are different types of writing: writing for others, writing for ourselves, and etc. Am I wrong to think that nowadays that writing is for the masses in our tech fueled society? It is ok to share, but the narcissistic intent (not everyone, but a majority of people seem to do this) of others is disconcerting. I can be narcissistic at times. I am probably one now, but I am surprised others seem unaware of this human vice. Don't say too much. Listen... Believe me, I struggle with this everyday.

So, the message is here is "write" or "type" (whatever), but do please do it with temperance, in regard to the well being aka the sanity of others and yourself. Mainly, this idea stems from my preoccupation with preserving the person we already give to the world. I believe in the integrity of privacy but the inherent need to share what matters. Also, I know from numerous psychological sources and from my own observations that we only care about ourselves. People will take offense to that statement so I will rephrase. We care more about ourselves than others (more polite way to say it). Again, nothing wrong with an attention to the self. However, we would be fibbing if we did not acknowledge this. Stop pretending. I acknowledge it right now. I love writing and reading about what happens to ME, because I am preoccupied with me. I am hardwired for that. Evolutionary psychology can offer a plethora of answers to strike your academic citation obsession, but I will not get into that.

I receive immense pleasure for writing, not because of competency; but, because like you, I enjoy and require the release. Whether I repeatedly talked about a dog who crossed the street with a four word sentence, which would be of no substance to you than me, I would still write. However, the main point lies in me feeling regret in telling the whole world, even if it was a handful of people how I was feeling. Even if you cared, you shouldn't. Maybe I think no one will care. Problem is too many people think the audience cares when in fact it is the opposite. Never expect someone to care. Sometimes you do not have control over the type of audience you receive. You have to accept not everyone is as into you as you are with yourself.

Just because you have an audience, doesn't mean they are paying attention. But, we all want both right?

Here is to being noticed...

My new website will be called "FameForward". It is a site for new talent to get noticed, all in an effort to answer that profound nagging question, "Does someone care?"

Let's hope I get the audience's attention. The words seem one in the same, but are not...

Novel realization? Not really. No purpose to this post... I just wanted to release. LOL

Virtue and Value

The path to happiness, a life of profound immersion and intuitive cohesion with the outer world, is based on the this admonition - uphold virtue. Upon knowing your soul's affinity for a particular virtue ie. beauty, truth, and etc, affix this intangible admiration to your present life - this is the form of an ultimate value. It will be, and must be the ultimate end to all means in this daily disintegration of our superficial knowledge of happiness.

Virtue is divine, and magnanimous, but beyond it's out of reach nature, we are strangely familiar with its presence and will expend our mortality for even a glimpse of it. Perfection is never known or entirely experience in our present existence, yet the notion itself can be personified, and can be better understood as a beloved crush whisking in and out of a coffee shop or store, only to catch a glimpse of the side of a face, or the curve of a fleshy palm resting on table. Naturally, as in the nature of the absolute perfection, we never experience the real thing, nor do we see the whole face, yet the anticipation and fervent determination of the eyes suffice. The search quells the hunger enough, but we look not in vain, but simply live for the potential reward. Actuality is wanted, yet few or almost none attain such a gift. As we acknowledge with virtue, it can be exercised to some degree in our attempt to match the whole, or even contribute to the sublime divinity of the whole. We will never have him sit right across from us, and we will never speak, for the virtue exists for us and only us. Moreover, it evolves into a value, or a focus that keeps us coming back to the coffee shop or store, solely to get a glimpse of the cheek, or an extended arm. It is objectified, yet it must be, for it to be a solid consistent ideal. If made into a subject, or a thinking being such as you, or myself, it would be the "he" in my analogy, a person possessing a consciousness: able to move to another state, become sick, or worst of all- die in a car accident. Thus, virtue is an object of all our obsessive affections, for he cannot die. His presence is needed. And, those steps we take to get to the coffee shop and/ or the store all for the gratification of supreme elation and reprieve from mundane ritual, I call them progression.

In simple terms, we gravitate towards the "special", something rare in quantity, but on the absolute threshold of quality and satisfaction. Chaste ecstasy is the only way to describe it, though calling it a feeling would do no justice to the even the most elemental parts of it. Again, it is the end, and nothing is better than that... Sometimes, it is comforting to reach the end, to know my satisfaction is complete, and that I am complete by finding such virtue. Virtue is good and universal, and one's neurotic paranoia, whether an innate drive for petty selfishness or a selfless goal, is calmed by that objective fact that this is "what everyone needs and should need". When there are so many distractions as to what we want, or VALUE, how do we know what works for us is something worth fighting for, yet will outlast our lifespan, and be good for all? This is not assurance of a personal legacy or will for immortality, but an attempt to preserve the continuation of our thoughts and actions beyond corporal limitations- a merging of the absolute forms and the internal transmissions from the depths of PURE THOUGHT. I cannot assure you every idea in your head is worthy of lasting transference, but if it seems to hinge on absolute virtue, you are on the right track. Important questions: How do you want your soul to be understood after you die? How do you want to be appreciated with utmost integrity and respect when evolutionary animal instincts underlie our motives at every turn? ( We deny it, but it is our foundation of biological behavior as flesh and blood beings.) There must be something other than the pure material... There must be...

Not the only answer, but one of the best ways of salvaging the "divine" in every person and life is this: Find your (good) virtue, and try every day to see it in that coffee shop or wherever it lurks. He, or it, will always be waiting for you. It will never disappoint, or fade into nothingness, your admiration will never dissipate, but will grow fonder over time, and as the meetings grow shorter, and failed attempts to catch a glimpse tempt a deviation, your want will remain constant. As expected, your path to the his regular hotspot will be plagued with obstacles, and sometimes you will not see him for stretches of months, or even decades. He may reoccur in various places and take many forms, but his essential essence remains the same. This is the constancy and elusion of virtue, paradoxical, for its profundity and unquestionable beauty will continue beyond human existence, as not only aesthetic perfection, or its ultimate self-sufficiency as the end of all ends, but on the premise of an internal stirring- it conjures up an indescribably satisfying FEELING in our souls. Sensory experience is the medium in which it reaches the recesses of our beings, yet it coalesces into something entirely separate from the sum of all the sensory parts. What comes is the acknowledgment that this is right for ME (singularity, the self)- VALUE, and comfort in taking part in a communal goal (others)- a ubiquitous dream for all - a VIRTUE.

Virtue and value are a balance of personal desire and societal- even existential responsibility- to those that share this life with you. One leads to the other and vice versa; however, both are integral to getting what we deserve, which is a little bit of what we are not- perfection through feeling- brought upon as a pervasive sentiment through action, not form, and sometimes, that is enough. It exhausts all our needs and wants, in a fatal encompassing swoop of intense elation, lasting only seconds, but satiates beyond comprehension, and or want of anything else, besides that moment.

Cheers to Virtue and Value.

Live for nothing else, because these are your hearts desires, for virtue and value together, can never be tangential to the universal harmony and the callings of an observant individual. These are the terms of human experience, never insistent, but deeply felt for those who understand that tried base gratification, never hold a candle to the realization or meeting of the flawed being and virtue. If one makes it his value, he and virtue will meet. Maybe for a second, and maybe it appears over a span of lifetime, successive, till senescence (for a lucky few), but it is there to be discovered for all. Euphoria is not merely a feeling, but a oneness, the feat in itself of a inch closer to merging with what we want, yet what know we will never have. It is the "holiest of affections", because it simply FEELS that way.

Something to ponder over in the month of February. V is for Valentine, Virtue, and Value.